The Connector
The Connector

SCAD employs the blue light emergency phone system. The solitary blue safety beacon resides on SCAD Way, right next to the stairs to the pedestrian entrance of Spring House. It’s an olly olly oxen free to the brave soul who has managed to avoid any waylay lurking in the dark tunnel leading to the parking garage. Students at the Digital Media Center, Woodruff Arts Center or Ivy Hall are out of luck.

Just kidding. No one is out of luck. All students are safe.

Under the leadership of SCAD Security Administrator John Kiernan, SCAD’s security team is solid. Someone is always stationed at main campus and all other locations with student traffic. Shuttles carry students safely between all destinations. During orientation, students are asked to program the direct line to SCAD security into their mobile phones. According to the most recent campus security report, the most suspicious threat to students was an odor. Yes, please, someone alert Homeland Security.

SCAD Way is the only secluded area on campus where students traverse. If any additional security is needed, it is definitely there. However, in the age of smart phones with cameras, voice recorders and dialing capabilities, what can a blue light phone do that a cell phone can’t? Here are a few cool suggestions:

All Purpose Crime-Fighting Robot: The blue light phone can house a robot capable of flat tire repair, dead battery jumps, facial recognition, suspect apprehension, fingerprinting and weekly Krav Maga instruction for all students.

Emergency Triage Center: At the push of a button, the blue light phone can administer CPR, perform the Heimlich maneuver, defibrillate and set broken bones. It can also provide deep tissue massage for the low, low rate of $5 per 15-minute session.

Super Doppler/Noah’s Ark 5000: This is where the system can really shine. Imagine a feature with daily up-to-the-minute weather reports and forecasts with an enhanced ability to detect natural disasters. In the event of a tornado, earthquake, hurricane, snow storm, flood or apocalypse, the blue light phone will transform into a jumbo jet/boat/space shuttle. It will contain DNA samples of all fauna as well as seedlings for all flora. On-board accommodations will include a gourmet kitchen, hardwood flooring, water beds, artist studios, flat screens and Dukes of Hazzard pinball machines.

If the latest iterations of the blue light phone system were to have such amenities, SCAD would likely invest in these bad boys with the blessing of students and parents alike. Unfortunately, the technology hasn’t caught up yet. Oh well. Since there is no blue light phone with such fantastic features and students have smartphones with advanced capabilities, does SCAD really need the blue light phone on SCAD Way?