by Hally Joseph, staff writer
Whether you like it or not, online dating is happening. It’s more than happening, it’s booming, with one out of five relationships beginning online. The good news is that online dating is not changing the face of love, it’s just changing how you get there.
I have friends who refuse to cave, who still want some semblance of an old-fashioned love story, who want to be set up by their friends, or run into someone at a bar, a networking event or even a library. For something as personal and intimate as romance, an online profile and a string of semi-blind dates doesn’t have high appeal to them. I avoided it for years, thinking my “You’ve Got Mail” story would end in zero dates or axe murderers, not Tom Hanks, F-O-X.
Then, tired of being single and never meeting anyone, I signed on to OkCupid, the largest free dating website. The dumb name, the bright colors, the “matching” of people’s values – all were miles away from a cute meeting in a library. You have to put it all out there: your bio, your age, your body type, your religion, your politics, what you’re seeking. You can trawl through the archives of the opposite sex, see who “Cupid” recommends based on your profile, or wait for them to come to you.
Like any social profile, the more you use it, the more success you have. Updating your photos (and keeping them honest), answering the personality questions and sending messages are the best ways to be proactive when dating online. Don’t be the bait in the water, be the fisherman: choose people you’d like to talk to, choose what you’re casting out there and keep your eyes open.
Is it work? Absolutely. The good thing is, it can also be a lot of fun. You will stay up late laughing with your friends about the crazy, misinformed and embarrassing things people will message you. You will download the addictive OkCupid (or Match or eHarmony) app to your iPhone. You’ll start getting crushes; you’ll feel flattered. And best of all: you will meet someone. Maybe not someone great, at least not right away, but you’ll be out there, striking out and hitting home runs left and right. My advice is to meet before you talk for forever. Don’t let the person you’re imagining in your head grow into someone different than the person you’re about to sit across from at dinner.
For the first time in my life, I was “dating.” If conversation online was going well, we’d exchange numbers and meet up to see if the spark was there in person. I went out with seven guys total from OkCupid. The first ended up being a three-month relationship, then there were a slew of single dates with nice-enough but not-for-me guys, and there were a couple of guys I went out with several times. We met in public places, usually for drinks, coffee or a walk. One guy was a sweet Frisbee-throwing student, another a handsome consultant who bragged too much about his Porsche (seriously), one was an adorably quirky film enthusiast and another was overeager with flowers for me, which was a little embarrassing for an Internet first date.
Then, in April with spring buzzing throughout Atlanta, I messaged a guy whose profile was my favorite I’d seen: funny, sweet, well-written, intelligent. We wrote back and forth for several days, making each other laugh, these amazing modern love-letters of two people who clearly couldn’t wait to meet. Shortly after, we grabbed burgers at the Vortex. As I’m writing this, it’s April again and we’ve just celebrated two years of our relationship.
I forget sometimes that I met my boyfriend online because he is my best friend, I know his family and his habits and he knows me better than anyone. Meeting online was the kickstart that led into something much more normal, much more romantic and much more real than “daily Cupid picks” or virtual winks. After all, amidst all the madness, 500 people disable their OkCupid profiles every single day because they’ve met someone online with whom they want to start a relationship.
If you’re in the dating doldrums, don’t wait for the library or the bar. Times are changing and dating is too, but the journey to find a relationship is just as funny, embarrassing and exciting as it ever was. You’re just a few clicks away from getting mail.
