by Molly Armstrong-Paschal, contributor
I’ve never enjoyed waiting in checkout lines at grocery stores. I don’t eat candy and the majority of the magazines posted there generally make me fear for the future of literature. However, one day several years ago, I saw a magazine cover with an adorable picture of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt in boys’ clothing. The headline that accompanied the picture questioned Shiloh’s sexuality and this absolutely enraged me. She was five years old. Sadly, Shiloh’s lifestyle is still questioned in the media and she has yet to hit puberty.
In the age of tolerance and acceptance, how much tolerance is too much tolerance? While working in lower schools, I can remember adults embracing a child’s choice of wearing clothes that were considered opposite of their gender. These same adults proudly exhibited their “tolerance by saying, “oh she/he is gay.” Today, these children are labeled as belonging to a lifestyle that is likely foreign to them. Additionally, thousands of them are taking their own lives because of the unfair treatment these labels perpetuate.
Such labels have not always been the case. When I was Shiloh Jolie-Pitt’s age I can remember my mother begging me to wear girls’ clothing or dresses. I hated the gender specificity of my name and dreamed of a unisex name. I wanted to be like my father in every way. I wanted to dress like him, fish like him and pee like him. But I grew up in the days when people called girls like me “tomboys,” not lesbians. I cannot express how thankful I am for this. I was so impressionable and emotional as a youngster that if someone had even suggested I was a lesbian, I may have believed them, or at least had extensive angst over whether I was or wasn’t.
This fascination with defining a child’s sexuality, just because they like to wear blue jeans, and prefer to be called a name other than the one on their birth certificate, astounds me. In my son’s preschool class there was a little girl who wore a Minnie Mouse costume every day for three months and no one labeled her with rodent identity issues. In today’s society, however, children are “coming out” in middle school and even elementary school. Parents and school boards go head to head over how to meet these kids’ needs while protecting the rights of “normal” children. I believe all of these children are normal.
It is possible that some may be gay after they discover who they are sexually, or after they actually know what sex is. Many homosexual or transgender adults can often realize they knew their sexual identity as children because of how they gravitated toward certain clothing, behaviors or toys. But sometimes, as in my case, it’s just kids learning who they are. When society questions a child’s sexual orientation because a girl wants to wear a batman cape or a boy wants to wear a tutu, that’s not tolerance. That is labeling. This stage of self-discovery is just that, self-discovery. Children simply don’t understand the social stigma adults place on wearing clothes or playing with toys that don’t “mesh” with their gender. They want to wear what they like — what will make other kids think that they have a cool outfit or costume — and are often attracted to bright colors and certain textures. It really is just that simple.
As uncomfortable as it sounds, children change their minds so quickly that most parents don’t ask their children what they want to be for Halloween until stores are dangerously close to selling out of their chosen costume. To lock a child into a decision they made when they were little by labeling them as gay or transgender is dangerous and doesn’t allow the child to enjoy an age of self-discovery. It only allows for isolation and confusion.