At the age of 21 I was far closer to 200 pounds than 100. Standing at only five feet three inches you can probably imagine how the weight carried on my small frame. In all honesty I was disgusted with myself so I decided to make a change — exercise, diets, the works. When the weight started slowly coming off I was eager for everybody and anybody to notice the change, however, when the “compliments” really started rolling in I grew tired of it quickly. I’m now 22, have lost around 20 pounds (more or less, depending on how much pizza I’ve eaten at the time asked) and everybody and their mother think it’s appropriate for them to comment on my success.
It seems that nowhere is safe for me to go without risk of someone commenting on my weight. The other day while exiting CVS I ran into an old neighbor who felt it necessary to ask if I’ve lost weight and then tell me how great I look. A month or so ago I went to the nail salon after having not been in quite some time and the staff was eager to talk about my size almost immediately upon entering. They even went as far as to ask how much I’d lost and how exactly I did it. I had brought one of my friends with me and instantly felt embarrassed having them witness this strange, nosy interview that I had not signed up for.
One of my issues with this newfound problem of mine is that people I barely know, some I don’t even consider to be an acquaintance of mine, feel they have the right to talk to me about something as personal as my weight issues. I’m not offended when close friends and family make a quick mention since I have opened up to them about the issue and they know my personal history and how much I’ve struggled. But when some dude I hung out with a few times three years ago wants to go on and on about how different I look I get really uncomfortable.
Even more obnoxious than the invasiveness of strangers is what these remarks are implying. When someone tells me I’ve been looking great lately I find it flattering but when it’s immediately followed with “Have you lost weight?” it feels like they’re saying I didn’t look so great when I was heavier. While on this journey I’ve discovered that people still have that high school mentality of what an ideal woman’s body should look like — that if “big is beautiful,” then a woman would be even MORE beautiful if she shed those extra pounds.
But what bothers me most about this ordeal is that I feel like people don’t really see me, they only see my body. Within the past few months I can’t even visit my own father without him asking if I’ve lost more weight. When my body is the first thing a person mentions it seems like it’s the only part of me that has any worth. All of this puts extreme pressure on me not only to remain in a thinner state but also to continue losing weight. Not that there’s an issue with wanting to change your body but it should be for me and no one else. I feel like people are constantly monitoring my body and God forbid I were to have a rough week and regain a few pounds. The entire world would take notice and judge me for it.
So if you want to praise someone’s success in their weight loss journey please make sure that they are comfortable talking about it with you. If you have been an ally and confidant in their struggles with their body it is likely they won’t be put off by you admiring their hard work … But even then, tread carefully.
