Recently Lena Dunham has been under fire for a passage in her memoir, “Not That Kind of Girl,” in which she chronicles childhood memories of relations with her younger sister regarding sexual curiosity. Though Dunham vehemently denies the accusations, many are under the impression that her past actions qualify as sexual abuse.
The portions of Dunham’s book in question describe her bribing her little sister with candy so she would allow her to kiss her as well as an admittance to masturbating while her sister was asleep in bed beside her. She also admits to inspecting her sister’s genitalia, even going as far as to open her up to look inside, in order to see whether or not her sister’s private parts resembled her own.
Although the acts of sexual coercion are admitted by Dunham herself, classifying something as sexual abuse becomes tricky when the actions occur between two young children. Because sex is typically not discussed with or explained to children, carnal activities often remain a mystery to children, and one that many times they attempt to debunk through exploration. I’m sure many of you can recall “playing doctor” in your adolescence, using the pretense of playing pretend as an excuse to satisfy forbidden curiosities.
Dunham took to Twitter with this explanation herself, saying, “I told a story about being a weird 7-year-old. I bet you have some too … that I’d rather not hear.” However, the legitimacy of her argument is lessened by her own words comparing herself to a sexual predator; in her book she writes of the situation, “Basically, anything a sexual predator might do to woo a small suburban girl I was trying.”
So while Lena Dunham’s claims of not having sexually abused her sister are weakened by likening herself to a sexual predator, there is another voice that should be taken into consideration — that of Grace Dunham, Lena Dunham’s little sister. Grace herself took to the Twittersphere to address the controversy, stating, “As a queer person: I’m committed to people narrating their own experiences, determining for themselves what has and has not been harmful.”
Grace makes a good point; if she, as the supposed victim of sexual abuse, does not feel that the experience was damaging or abnormal, who are we to say otherwise? The media does not have the right to paint Grace Dunham as a victim when she does not see herself as one. Perhaps if Lena Dunham’s sister had felt disturbed by the actions in question, the claims of sexual abuse would hold some validity, but since she does not, maybe we should all just shut up and chalk the story up to kids being kids and doing weird kid stuff.
