Doug Stanhope is the unofficial voice of America and a slovenly drunk legend of stand-up comedy. Recently, he released an autobiographical anthology of stories called “This Is Not Fame: A “From What I Re-Memoir”” from his time on the road as a comedian.
I read it along with his first book, “Digging Up Mother: a Love Story,” which served as a chronicle of his life and unconventional relationship with his mother, Bonnie. Both books were well-written and engaging memoirs that gave context to the comedy I enjoyed so much in the past.
Despite that, I think the most important book Stanhope has ever released, by far, is “Fun With Pedophiles: The Best of Baiting” from 2006. I know that I’m 12 years late to review it, but the fact that it came out more than a decade ago doesn’t change the fact that it’s a timeless classic. This is a book that sheds light on the perverse realities of humanity, and is also one of the most hilarious and grotesque pieces of erotic horror ever written.
“Fun With Pedophiles: The Best of Baiting,” is a compilation of several different instant message conversations between Stanhope — posing as several 12 to 14-year-old girls with usernames like, “PorkPipeAnnie,” or “CyberonWheels,” to bait pedophiles into conversations and then eviscerate them with insults. The goal is to lure people in based on the information in the fake profile. In the intro to the book Stanhope lays out the history of baiting and the general rules involved. He reminds everyone that, “It’s only true Baiting when they contact you first.”
The resulting conversations are some of the most vile and absurd things you’ll ever read. This is not a book for people who have weak constitutions. Even if you’re a person who considers yourself someone who can handle a lot, there will still be a few moments that make you question everything you’ve ever known about the world.
The vivid imagery Stanhope weaves throughout each conversation paints a ridiculous and clear picture while still maintaining authority as a writer. This book is a true testament to what disturbed people will do in pursuit of an orgasm.
One of the more interesting themes from the conversations is that each one of the pedophiles who were messaging Stanhope’s personas — like “PorkPipeAnnie”— were very open about doing something sexual with an underaged girl, but the moment anything remotely homosexual came up they all became extremely homophobic and reacted negatively.
They focused on how they weren’t gay more than they cared about not being a pedophile. In certain cases they would ignore the fact that Stanhope had written about them being mutilated, or had them mutilating other people in a morbid slapstick kind of way, but would snap back when it came down to them being considered gay. The quote displayed on the front of the book illustrates what I am trying to point out nicely, “A minute ago I had you licking blood and feces off the fist you just pulled out of a headless, dead hookers a**… but NOW I went too far?”
The book is disturbing and terrible. It drags you in the mud through what a real pedophilic cyber-sex conversation might be like. Somehow Stanhope manages to leverage that into some of the silliest banter I have ever read. Once I’m done wiping tears from my eyes and vomit from my shirt, I sit and think about this book realizing that it’s an important piece of literature. Not just because of how funny it is, but because it gives an intensely intimate perspective on some of the most disturbed and perverse people on the planet. It really puts things in perspective when you consider that these people might not even be the worst of the bunch — just the dumbest.
Go and get yourself a copy if you have the stomach for it and share it with anyone else who is ready to take a good long stare into the abyss. Also, be careful when you look this up. Make sure to type in Doug Stanhope first — just to be clear to the government watchlist you’re going to turn up on that you were looking for a piece of comedic literature, and not an actual fun time with pedophiles.
