by Caitlin Havens
My first – and only – valentine was a boy named Tyler, my best friend. Waiting for me on my desk at school was a vase filled with fake yellow flowers and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. He came up and asked me to be his valentine. Of course, I said yes. I’d say it was him who taught me love doesn’t just mean romance, but you can find it with anyone.
We are exposed to the idea and modern-day meaning of Valentine’s Day at such a young age. So, it’s not shocking that many kids grow up despising the holiday. It seems that any child’s social life is largely consistent with finding a romantic partner. It’s also where social hierarchy begins. If you are dating someone, then you must be cool. Everyone is striving for a spot on the “cool” chart, but the social pressure becomes so overwhelming some kids just break down. This just offers a negative connotation on romance.
Eventually, most children are cursed to attend a public high school. It’s hard not to feel excluded with no one showering you with gifts. Or, even worse, when the school has candy grams or something and you get absolutely nothing. Every school has one too, the perfect couple. Valentine’s Day at school is a publicity stunt for them. One comes with the biggest box of chocolate, a huge stuffed animal and flowers. The other makes a sappy post on social media and brings in a gift bag with the other person’s favorite things.
It took until after graduating for me to realize that I don’t need to be in a relationship to have people in my life who shower me with love, and that I can do the same for. I did learn to look at Valentine’s Day as a reminder, too. A reminder to love every day and that there is no limitation to what you can do with that love.
I will also say that seeing the many ways love is expressed between teenagers, cringe or not, is something I can appreciate. At the time, I definitely didn’t think “aw, love,” I thought “ew, save it for tonight.” Then I would go to class and express my disgust to friends who were also bitter and single. That bitter and hate essentially became a tradition. This is when my eyes were opened to how unique and special every relationship you make is.
Although my friends and I did not celebrate Valentine’s in the traditional way, we celebrated in our own way. Through humor and hate, we bonded. And hypocrites we were because the next day we would be back to the good ‘ole “why won’t a boy love me” mess. You know, something that almost every single teenager says.
It’s a little counterintuitive, too. The lack of romantic love led me to appreciate overall emotion even more. When I look back, even though I wanted a relationship, it’s impossible to believe that it could have been balanced into my life. It made me grateful for the people in my life and the commitment they show me.
While I still want romantic love to continue to be romanticized, platonic love should also. The point is, there is no love greater than another. You can’t compare types of love, because it’s different with each person. If you love someone, you love them and it deserves to be expressed.
For every Valentines (heck, for every day of your life), look outside that person you can’t stop thinking about. Don’t rush things, what needs to come to you will come to you. Take a minute to stop and focus on the people in your life who care about you and show your appreciation.
