Graphic by Rachel Carp
***Content Warning: This piece contains mentions of abuse, kinks and violence***
My deepest condolences to Armie Hammer fans. A few weeks ago, several women came out with stories that Hammer abused them, though this abuse doesn’t seem to be the focal point of the story. Jokes about Hammer’s apparent cannibalism fetish are much more present than discussions around his abusive behavior. Let me explain.
In 2020, Armie Hammer and his wife of 10 years announced they were separating. Then, in early January 2021, an Instagram account posted screenshots of messages between Armie Hammer and the women he allegedly had affairs with. The screenshots show him calling himself a cannibal and wanting to eat a woman’s heart among other things. The texts are graphic, which is why I won’t quote them here, but they are still available online. Be aware they detail violent sexual fantasies.
Since this news broke, Hammer has dropped out of his current projects, and his agency and publicist left him. The screenshots are all unverified, and he denies the accusations. What seems to be the topic of discussion in his case is his fantasies, which only reflects our collective attitudes towards sex. That it is taboo and indicative of a person’s moral character. Jokes about kinks and kinkshaming seemed to peak when “50 Shades of Grey” came out, amplifying public awareness of them. What seemed to propel Hammer’s allegations to the public was the absurdity of his kinks, not the severity of his behavior.
I’m aware of how extreme and intense his apparent fantasies are, but we can’t jump to any conclusions that he actually has cannibalized someone. There are two sides to this issue — the stereotypes around the BDSM community and the disregard for abusive behavior. I’m not qualified nor interested in deconstructing the complex issues around BDSM, though these articles are good places to start. What I am interested in addressing is the apparent lack of consent and respect for the women Hammer spoke with. At this point, it doesn’t matter if the allegations are true or not. What matters is understanding how consent and respect functions in this situation.
In one of the allegations against Hammer, a woman claims he did not use safe words. Messages from him show he was worried she truly wanted to stop but couldn’t use any safe word.
“I was also worried in the kitchen that you truly wanted to stop, and had the thought you brought up earlier ‘we don’t have a safe word’ haha.”
In her reply, she admits, “I did truly want to stop for most of the time hahahaha.”
What’s devastating about this simple interaction is that there was the possibility of creating a safe word and Hammer refused to do it. He directly set up a situation where the woman would not be able to communicate with him. The laughter in the text also implies he does not take it seriously, whether it be sarcastic or genuine laughter. How could he expect her to trust him when he took her concerns so casually?
In messages with another woman, he brings up wanting to choke her with a belt, but she replies, “N [sic] no that’s too much.”
All he says in response is “Yes.”
Yes to what? Yes, it’s too much? Yes, he will do it? The woman added later, “It’s dangerous…” to which he replied, “I’m not going to clasp it.”
The woman later noted he did clasp the belt and provided pictures of a bruised neck. It’s possible she changed her mind in the moment, but Hammer has already shown his tendency for pressuring his partners and ignoring safe words. Clasping the belt would have already made her incapable of using any safe word they agreed on, anyway.
In the most concerning story, a third woman claimed Hammer wanted to carve his first initial on her skin to brand her. He apparently did not ask her if she wanted it, only asking where he should carve it. The woman was never given time to respond or process his request. He used a knife to draw an “A” in the skin above her pubic bone.
These patterns of behavior are far more dangerous and alarming than any fetish he has. While I understand that people want to make jokes and process difficult information easier, we can’t turn a blind eye to his actions. Many if not all the victims that have come forward have done so because their relationship with him was toxic at best and abusive at worst. If he had respected their boundaries, used safe words, and treated his fantasies with the seriousness they require, it’s likely this would have only resulted in a cheating scandal. The danger is not the fantasies themselves but the execution of them in real life. Many of these victims are young women who were at high risk of being intimidated and in awe of his wealth and fame. How would they feel seeing their allegations be buried under jokes about cannibalism? Is this moment about them or him?
