My insecurities
By Rori-Tai Williams
I don’t think — correction — I know I have never met a woman who actually enjoys having “love handles” or rolls on her sides and back, let alone having them photographed.
However, in an attempt to learn to love these parts of my body, I photographed them anyway.
Who knew I would capture an image that would serve as another piece in the “appreciation” process?
Obviously I have never been able to look at my back from this angle without a mirror or a photograph. Ironically, the first time I decided to intentionally photograph this part of my body, it did not disgust me as much as I thought it would.
Although I have heard, adopted and used many names and phrases since puberty, “the girls” is the name I feel most comfortable saying when referring to my breast in public.
You would think after all these years I would have become used to having them, but the weight and size, ridicule from men of all ages and wear on my body is a constant struggle. Most bras and fashionable tops are out of my “support zone” (whatever that means).
Sometimes I wish a had a recorder to capture all the things that men, and sometimes women, say to me. If I had a dollar for every comment, expression or gesture that was made about my breasts, I would have a condo in Vegas. The pain from the weight of “the girls” continues to cause serious issues for my neck and lower back. In 2009, after completing an MRI on my lower back, my doctor told me I had “the back of a fifty-year-old woman.” That statement provoked the decision to make some serious changes to better my health.
While many women dream of and pay thousands of dollars to have large breasts, there are some women who dream of getting rid them! I am one of those women.
I HATE the fact that the girls run rather large in the women on my father’s side of the family.
I HATE the fact that I got my first bra in the third grade.
I HATE the fact that by the time I was in the fifth grade, I wore a 32B.
I HATE the fact that I prayed that they would not get any bigger, but over that summer they grew another cup size and I entered the sixth grade wearing a C cup.
I HATE the fact that most men, and some women, stare at the girls instead of looking at my face when speaking to me.
I HATE the fact that I’m currently wearing an E cup.
I LOVE this image, because it makes me appreciate beauty in the shapes that I have taken for granted.
