What are you guys ordering? I myself condemned the cheeseburger. Yes, because it’s Donald Trump’s comfort food, but also because of the inhumane and polluting meat industry! So a chicken salad, maybe.
We’re halfway through brunch and nobody’s mentioned the name of a single politician. Birthday parties, who cares about birthday parties? Alright, so birthday … birther conspiracy … Trump and Obama!
Speaking of Trump and Obama, do you remember that one moment in 2011 when Trump said that thing about Obama and Iraq? How can you not, it’s absolutely outrageous! Well, I don’t remember EXACTLY what it was about, but still.
Ann, Rubens, Robinette, Paul — that’s what I call Warren, Bloomberg, Biden, and Buttigieg. By their middle names. You know, because I know them.
Googling … “What is a caucus?”
Do you not know how caucuses work? Oh my god, let me explain.
You’re not following the election? How can you not follow the election? The future of your democracy lies in … You know what? We can’t be friends anymore.
Wait, so that’s not how Congress works?
Are you going to vote? Me? I’m not registered yet, it’s just a whole lot of work. And it’s supposed to rain all that week, you know, and my ex-roommate still has my umbrella, and the traffic will just be so bad, and does it really matter? Well, theoretically, yes, but I mean, I can always move to Norway. I hear Bernie Sanders likes it there, doesn’t he?
When exactly is the election, by the way?
