Graphic by Rachel Carp
A local English speaker reported difficulty with conjugating the verb “to lay” at a coffee shop last week. The victim was explaining how they put a bowl down on the table but did not know if the correct word was “layed,” “laid,” or “lied.” They repeated each word out loud until the table nearby joined them and soon the entire coffee shop was chirping the various versions of “layed,” “laid,” “lied,” “laying,” “lying,” “lie,” “lay” and “lain.”
“It was madness, people were shouting at each other, shouting at their phones for answers,” Lane Fibson, a witness, said. He was picking up a to-go order when the chaos started. Customers who tried searching the internet for answers ran into more confusion.
“All we found were things like ‘direct objects’ and ‘transitive verbs.’ It scared us. We’d never heard of those things before,” Mae Snift, a mother, said. She was busy laying her food on the table when her son asked her if she was laying the food down or lying it down. Snift did not know and clutched the food until paramedics arrived to take it off her hands.
First responders claimed to see patrons in a state of paralysis, having lain down in booths to wait out the attack. Several policemen succumbed to the confusion, causing medics to suggest protective gear. At one point, they uncovered a couple trapped in a debate about the differences between “lay,” “lie,” “lye,” and “lei,” suggesting the original strain mutated.
Ned Geisel, an expert in lying, said breakouts of confusion have become more common with words such as “right,” “write” and “rite” or “site,” “cite” and “sight.” He believes the best way to handle such disasters is to use synonyms for the difficult word instead of plough, or plow, ahead.
“In scenarios like these it’s advised to take the safer route. There are an endless number of attacks such as these lying in wait. The goal is to spread as little lies as possible and not lay blame on the wrong person,” he said. Geisel has refused to explain what the real differences are between words such as “lie” and “lay.”
Laine Egger, a nurse currently treating victims, offered tips for at-home treatment, “When you are placing things, you use ‘lay.’ When you are fibbing or reclining, you use ‘lie.’ Hope that helps.”
She declined to comment on past tense forms on the verbs.
