The Writer’s Corner features poetry, essays, short stories, satire and various fiction and non-fiction from SCAD Atlanta students. To submit your own work for the Writer’s Corner, email features@scadconnector.com.

“It Doesn’t Make A Difference That You’re Back” by Jeanie Lo

I want to bury my head into your shoulders
as you hug me like you used to
as we stand like statues in the bustling street
that smelt of salty street food and moving cars
where pedestrians walk pass us
without acknowledging our existence
just like how back then people in our school
had ignored us embracing each other on the stairs

I want you to apologize to me
as we sit across each other in a restaurant
my eyes absorbed in yours

Apologize to me all the hurt and darkness you put me through
tell me you’ve never stopped caring about me
that I have been on your mind
just like how you have hovered at the back of my head
for five lost years

Admit to me that you are not okay
that you are ready to become better
to stop binging on alcohol
stop cutting your wrist
stop kissing asses to get favors
stop putting fame and opportunities before relationships
I will fight these demons with you

But when you disappeared yet again
I realized you didn’t change
I knew you since we were teenagers
and all this time you’ve confessed to me your insecurities
but you never stopped going after things that only
expanded your insecurities
hallowed your soul
and twisted your values
despite years of affirming you with acceptance
A hallow answer to my “Isn’t my love enough for you?”

I cannot change you
I cannot even love you
I will collapse if you allow me to
bury my head in your shoulders
as you make an emotional trash can out of me
or a comfort pillow
that you hug when you feel low
and put away when you feel high
just like you used to

I won’t get my confrontation
I wont get my apology
I won’t be satisfied
even if you come back to my life again

And that’s
the
shattering
reality.