You’ve insisted on learning the ethnic-sounding pronunciation of your peculiarly originated friend, thereby unlocking a new worldliness level. Congratulations! Here are all the new things you can do:
- Pronounce every dish name in every menu correctly (not just “filet mignon” and “pinot noir”).
- Greet every Asian on the street with a mindful “konichiwa!” They’re not all Chinese, duh.
- Write weekly emails to your college friends with links to travel blogs.
- Speak to your friends in Google-translated non-English.
- Say of course it’s not Google-translated! You just have this cousin.
- Post on Instagram appreciation posts for Chinese New Year.
- Post on Instagram, also, pictures of places you’ve never been with the caption, “Take me back.”
- Start a petition for “Crazy Rich Asians 2.”
- While you’re at it, start a petition to boycott American colleges’ racist menus (burger and fries as staples, but not rice and pasta? Unacceptable!)
- Buy a John Yang T-shirt from MSNBC.
- Create a WordPress page to call out Netflix series on cultural appropriation.
- Wear kimonos when you normally wear shirts and jeans and vice versa.
- Launch a Buddhist cult.
- Wink and whisper, “But what’s your real name?” to non-Anglo-looking strangers.
- Set fire to a French person (imperialism!!).
