Many say that chivalry is a lost art. As far as I’m concerned, I hope it never gets found. Now I may not be an expert on manners (many years ago when my mother offered for me to take cotillion I burped in her face) but I personally find the act of chivalry so old-fashioned it borders on offensive. Saying “bless you” and “excuse me” are one thing, but when it comes to basic human functions I pretty much have that covered (and for the times when I’m struggling I have my mother on speed dial, thanks).
Over the summer I encountered my first gentleman caller. Not to say that I’d never been pursued before, but certainly not by anyone who could be considered a gentleman. When he came to pick me up he knocked on my door rather than call me to alert me of his arrival (what if I had been pooping when he knocked?!), opened up the car door for me (which made me feel like a child) and insisted on paying for almost all activities we partook in (which made me feel inferior). I know plenty of women who would have swooned at these actions, so why was I not one of them?
I think my main issue with chivalry is that it’s typically a one-way street. I don’t mind a man holding a door open for me but if I should arrive there first he better not complain about me doing the same. When it comes to paying for meals why can’t we go dutch, or at the very least switch off every other time? I have no qualms about a man showing me courtesy but if he seems appalled when I offer that same courtesy towards him, we are going to have a problem.
When I Googled the word ‘chivalry’ (and we all know that Google’s word is law) it was defined as “Courteous behavior, especially that of a man toward women.” That definition in itself perfectly sums up my issue with chivalry. Why does courteous behavior have to be gender specific? Chivalry is almost always thought of as synonymous with being a gentleman. That’s all fine and dandy but, why can’t I be a gentlewoman? I suppose the female equivalent of the term would be “lady” but that has a whole different set of connotations than “gentleman” does. A gentleman is expected to do nice things for others and always put a woman first while a lady is expected to keep herself in check — cross their legs and always act with delicacy and grace. There’s simply no equality in chivalry.
I guess what I’m saying is that I’d far prefer a date that forgets to say “excuse me” after belching than one who enforces outdated gender roles any day.
